Coping with Loss During the Holidays

by | Self-Care | 4 comments

Pin for Later

Disclosure:  Coping with loss & grief during the holidays can be extremely difficult. I am not a medical professional, and this is not to be taken as professional medical advice.  The contents of this post are based solely on my own personal experiences.   Just think of me as your best friend of 20 years sharing my life experience.  I write this post because I care, and I know that many people, just like yourself, are grieving this holiday season.  If you feel this burden is too heavy to carry, please seek professional assistance.  There are professionals that can help you through this.  All my best        Christy

Coping with Loss During the Holidays

Coping with grief and loss during the holidays is hard.  It’s never easy when someone we love leaves this earth.  Most of us have been through this, but if this is your first time, I hope to offer you some comforting advice.  I want to share the six things that helped me make it through that first Holiday Season in 2014 without my dad.  

Coping with Loss During the Holiday Red Bird, Red Bird is thought to symbolize those loved ones whom have passed on
Get Notified of Updates

Although years have passed since my first Christmas without my dad, I still cope by using some of these strategies today.  They calm me and give me peace.   They’ve become part of my new norm and traditions, and I hope they help you find comfort.  

  • Honor your loved one
  • Write to them
  • Giving Gratitude
  • Take Time
  • Set a place
  • Let go of regret

Although you won’t need to do all these every year, I found them all extremely helpful in moving forward the first year.  The actual process will look different to everyone.  But, I hope this framework helps you find some peace and joy this holiday day season.  

Every Christmas I put up this small tree on my kitchen buffet to honor my late father

Honoring your loved one: 

Finding a way to honor your loved one with a new tradition can be extremely healing.  It gives  you that feeling that they’re still part of your holidays. 

That first year, when I was getting out my decorations, I found my dad’s little tree.  I cried ugly tears. It was just a little 2ft. tree, but he loved Christmas so much and putting up that tree brought  him so much joy.  So, that first Christmas without him, I found a special place for that little 2’ tree, right on my dining room buffet.  It still has its place there to this day.  It’s become part of my new Christmas traditions.  While I may still shed a tear or two each year putting it up.  I do it with a smile and allow that little tree to bring me the same joy it brought to him. 

This year will be tough, there’s no way to sugar coat it.  It’s going to be hard.  You might even feel like you’ll never be able to make it without them.  You will make it and it will eventually be ok.  But, until then, until time can heal your aching heart, finding something that honors them is a way to make them still part of your holiday traditions.  

Don’t know where to start?  Feeling too overwhelmed to think about it?  Don’t force it.  Instead try this:

The first thing that you start to do and it hurts so bad, because all you think about is them.  That’s your thing, you find a way to turn it into a new tradition that allows you to honor their life and their memory. 

Writing to your loved one who's passed can be very therapeutic and aide in the healing process

Write to them:

Get all those feelings out.  It’s not good to keep all those emotions bottled up inside.  All those things you are struggling with not being able to tell them.  Everything you can think of that you’d love to share with them.  The things that your kids are doing, their accomplishments. Share it with them in a journal.  Journaling helps you process your emotions and lightens your heavy heart.  

When my dad passed away a dear friend of mine sent me a journal.  She told me to write to my dad in it.  I remember thinking what good could this do. But…..let me tell you.  It was the most healing process of them all. 

Every time I thought that I had to tell my dad something. I did. I wrote to him for days straight until finally one day I was ok.  I didn’t feel the need to write any longer.  Writing to him was a release, a comfort and it helped reconnect me at a time when I felt so disconnected. 

I know it’s not the same as talking to them, but give it a chance.  Get a special journal that you only use for writing to them. Every time you miss them.  Every time you wish you could talk to them.  Do it.  Write to them in your journal.

Coping with the loss of a loved one during the holidays - be grateful for the time you had with them, the memories that were made

Giving Gratitude:

Giving gratitude daily for the many blessings in your life can be rewarding on its own.  But, when you choose to be grateful for all the many blessings of your loved one it can help you move forward. 

Every year I have to remind myself that even though my dad is no longer here I’m grateful for the time I did have with him.  I’m grateful for all the memories.  I’m grateful how every year when I assemble the tree I flash back to the younger me, watching impatiently as my dad assembled our tree, so eager to start decorating.  I’m grateful for those memories as they define me, my traditions, my foundation.  

Use those memories to remind yourself why you are who you are and give gratitude.  Remember, what your loved one contributed to your life.  The impression they left in your heart and give gratitude that they were that special. 

The holidays are tough when loved ones have passed on. Setting them a place at the table may help give you some comfort

Set a place:

If your family is anything like mine all the  Holidays revolve around food.  If this is your family too, then Christmas dinner may seem empty this year.  It’s hard to look around the table and not see their face.  If your struggling with your emotions, then doing what we did that first year might help.  You can set them a place at the table.  and honor their space.  It may feel weird, but talk to your family about it and give it a try.  

I only had to do the first year.  But, as we were preparing to sit down to our first Thanksgiving Dinner without my dad it felt really strange with him not there.  My mom suggested we set his place at the table.  I’ll admit, I might have thought she was just a little crazy.  But, we did it anyway and guess what?  It helped.  Maybe it was how silly I felt doing it, but regardless it helped enough that we did it again for Christmas.    

Share some of your favorite holiday memories of your loved one to lighten the mood.  Everyone is thinking about them, so take time to process those thoughts and feelings.  Share the stories that can make you smile.  The stories that make you laugh.  Even if it’s through the tears

Healing after a loved one has passed will simply take time

Time     It’s going to take time:

I know it sounds so cliché and you’re probably tired of hearing it, but time really does heal all wounds. 

Take time to process all the emotions of this first year without your loved one.  It’s going to be hard, it’s a constant uphill battle where you’re going to have to choose to see the light.

Cherish the memories.  Enjoy those you still have with you.  Be grateful for all your blessings and know that there are brighter days ahead.  

This moment, this pain and hurt, it will not last forever.  Know that if you choose to move forward.  You will.  I’m not saying to forget your loved one, quite the opposite actually.  I’m saying, find your way of keeping them with you every step of the way so you can continue to move forward.  

Letting go of any regrets can help ease your pain after losing a family member

Let go of Regret:

This may be one of the hardest.  I was fortunate enough that when my dad passed I had no regrets.  I was able to say all the things I wanted to say before he passed and I knew I had done everything I could possibly do.  

But, I’ve known many people who’ve had regrets and if this is you, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for the pain you are feeling and the heart ache that goes along with wishing you should’ve or could’ve done something differently.  

Apologize in your journal, apologize in prayer, but get it out of there.  Please don’t live with that in your heart.  You’ll be doing yourself the best good by getting it out and then letting it go. Forgive yourself.  But, before you can heal from this you HAVE to LET IT GO.  

You cannot change the past.  Seriously, if you could people would be lined up and the changing station. So forgive yourself and let it go.  Don’t let that eat you alive inside, it’s not worth it and I know your loved one wouldn’t want you living with that either.  They wouldn’t want to see you hurting.  So get it out of there, forgive yourself, let it go and take a step forward. 

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.  All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

 – Helen Keller
The Holidays will never be the same after the loss of a loved one.
Finding the Peace after the loss of a loved one at the holidays

The holidays will never be the same, choose to find the joy.

I hope in reading this post you’ve found at least one thing here that will help you this holiday season.  One simple thing that can bring you a little peace and hopefully joy. 

Remember, it’s not going to be easy.  You are going to cry, you are going to feel angry, your heart is going to ache and even though you are not, you are going to feel alone. 

You’re not alone.  I promise. 

If you don’t have someone you are comfortable talking to, find someone.  Someone to help you process your feelings, someone you can talk to and let it all out. 

So many others, including myself, have been through this and they can help you.  If you let them.

I wish you a holiday season full of many new memories, happiness, health, gratitude and most of all peace.  

^

Honor Them

Create new traditions that honor your loved one. 

^

Write to them

Take all those thoughts, emotions and things you want to say and say them. 

^

Give Gratitude

Be grateful for the memories you shared and the time you had together. 

^

Time....it's going to take time

Know that it will take time to heal.    

^

Let go of regret

It does you no good to hold on to this.  If there is something you can do, do it.  If not, let it go and take a step forward.   

Join

Keep in touch

Creating Calm With Christy | Hello, I'm Christy | Creator of Calm | Maker of Magic (M.O.M.) | Licensed Massage Therapist, LMT

4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Leslie A Williams
    Leslie A Williams on at 11:24 pm

    Really great Post! Idid so many of these same things when my mom passed awAy and it helped me ProCess the grief and start healing my broken heart. Our loved ones want us to go on living and to be happy. I hope this post Will help
    Others.

    • Christy
      Christy on at 11:58 pm

      Thank you so much. I really hope it reaches someone it can help.

  2. Barbara at Mantel and Table
    Barbara at Mantel and Table on at 2:22 pm

    A beautiful post, Christy! Thank you for these – it’s great to be able to come back to them each year – It takes a while.

    Lots of love!

    • Christy
      Christy on at 4:46 pm

      Thank you so much Barbara. Best wishes to you in the New Year.

Pin for Later